Tough it out or Walk away? What’s Braver?

We often talk about courage as if it has only one shape: perseverance. Digging in. Holding on. Fighting through, no matter the cost.

But after two years of interviewing people for the Finding Courage project, I’ve learned that the reality is far more complex — and far more human.

Every story in the project begins the same way: with someone nominating another person whose courage has inspired them. I interview the nominator and the nominee, so I get two perspectives — what courage looks like from the outside, and what it actually feels like on the inside. And again and again, I’ve discovered this:

Courage is not about whether you stay or go. It’s about why you make the choice.

Because sometimes courage is digging your heels in.
And sometimes courage is walking away.

When Courage Means Staying

Rhonda Millikin was a Canadian government scientist whose department refused to support her PhD research — research that would go on to transform how we monitor bird populations. She took them to court and won, but when she returned, they made life so unbearable she had a mini breakdown.

Still, she stayed.

Not out of stubbornness, but because she believed her work belonged in that department — and she wanted her research to make a real-world difference. Her perseverance led to a long, successful career and scientific innovations still used today.

For Rhonda, holding on wasn't just pig-headed persistence.

It was purpose-driven courage.

Environmental activist Susie Russell has spent more than forty years fighting for old-growth forests in NSW. When I spoke to her, logging had just restarted in her own backyard. She cried throughout much of our interview.

“It feels like pushing shit uphill,” she said. I gently asked whether it might be time to step back.

But Susie shook her head.

She keeps going because she believes in miracles. Because her community keeps showing up. Because, as she put it, “It’s the one small thing I can do to not be part of the problem.”

For Susie, stopping wouldn’t feel like rest — it would feel like a betrayal of herself.

Her courage is in staying.

When Courage Means Leaving

Nadene Anderson helped build a thriving family business and held an important leadership role. From the outside, it looked like success. But inside, she knew she didn’t belong.

Leaving meant walking away from financial security, professional identity, and the expectations of people she loved. She tried for years to push through that discomfort — but staying felt more and more like betraying herself.

Eventually, she left.

And in our interview, she told me:

“After many years of feeling in the wrong place, I now have this overwhelming sense of being on the right track.”

For Nadene, courage wasn’t in the staying. It was in the letting go.

So… Which Is Braver?

After hearing these stories, I’ve realised that the culturally familiar version — “real courage is sticking it out” — is far too narrow.

Because:

Rhonda stayed, and that was courage.
Susie kept fighting, and that was courage.
Nadene walked away, and that was courage.

The bravery wasn’t in the action. It was in the alignment — choosing the path that was true to who they were and what mattered most.

And that leads to the real question:

When have you faced the choice to stay or walk away?

What guided you? And would you make the same choice again today?

Both paths can be courageous. Both can demand strength, honesty, and self-respect.

So if you’re wrestling with a decision right now — or reflecting on one from your past — remember:

Courage isn’t about staying or leaving.
Courage is acting in alignment with who you are.